Note: This is not a post for the cure to Imposter Syndrome. Just getting that out right now.
I’ve noticed something over my years working as a dev/engineer. When work starts to slow down, imposter syndrome kicks in hard.
I spent 3 months being a fake designer at my first dev job. I created Facebook marketing posts. I am NOT a designer and this was an incredibly miserable time for me. The lack of being needed as a developer was draining. Also the company was just horrible to work for. Started the new search and bang! Got my first Software Engineer job.
There’s something to be said about merge requests. My IS kicked in but you also learn a lot and honestly my IS got squished. I enjoyed being part of a group that was agile. After the business kind of went sideways (and COVID hit), I started looking for a remote job.
It was only within the last year that my IS started taking a different turn and that was being a mom. Olivia is super tiny. We are behind on every mile stone. I just feel like a failure as a mom. Everyone says that babies hit their own when it’s time but at the same time you wonder if it’s you that’s causing it. At the same time, I want Olivia to not feel that and have a good role modal but god damn it’s hard to curve habits that have been installed for ehh 35+ years. I guess you do it one day at a time right?
When I was promoted to a Software Engineer 3, I actually argued with my manager. I didn’t feel like one. Once I got my remote job at Right Networks, I realized all engineers are at different points and everyone has different skills. It’s just hard to keep in a positive mindset when you’re physically and emotionally drained. Guess everyone has to keep going a day at a time.
Here’s to another day.