This is kind of going to be a TMI post but I felt the need to express it.
Today is the day I stopped pumping for Olivia.
Why is this a big deal? Olivia never really received a full bottle of breast milk— I never made enough milk to do so but I kept going. Why? Not sure if it was out of pride or the mom guilt that gets pushed on moms. When she hit 10 months, I decided to dial back and my supply quickly showed how much I pulled back. Yesterday, after 2 pumps in the morning, I only got 2.5 oz. I decided it was time and last night was my final pump of only 1.5 oz.
After doing it after 11 months, I’m a little scared. it’s been what I’ve had to schedule around for so long. I hit 8 pumps for MONTHS which meant like every hour or 2. I couldn’t run—that killed my supply. My period was a twit with it. Just all the cards were against me but I felt like I needed to continue. I told myself even before she came that my goal was 6 months. Then it was 9 months. Until she hit 10 months, I realized my health was taking a hit and I needed to start prioritizing my health a little more.
Olivia only latched on directly a handful of times. She was so tiny and breastmilk by itself just doesn’t have the calorie count needed so her doc told us to do a mix. I gave up after awhile of getting her to attach but that meant lugging the darn pump every single place I went. I felt guilty that I was PE and not having her latch. There’s so much guilt on moms to do this and that. Guys don’t get that.
When I started to dial back, it was a relief (also guilt) but man I had to figure out scheduling. It’s just not easy.
I have a bag in the freezer of milk and that will get us close to 12 months but I need to figure out the thawing schedule. Changes are tough sometimes.
Now I can start thinking of myself again. I’m slowly trying to workout again. Running has been extremely tough—especially when it’s just endless loops in the court but you do what you gotta do. It’s a Mom’s life.
I just wanted to mark the day. Today, April 2nd, 2022, I stopped pumping. I need to give myself some credit for PE as long as I did. Maybe one day I will. Lord knows I won’t miss doing it while working and eating. I get to enjoy my food/coffee without my boobs out.